


What I Could Have Been but Never Will Be

by grimmgirl



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Canon character deaths, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Plotting, but he is still Nick, more-efficient-grimm Nick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-11-20
Packaged: 2018-02-15 00:31:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2208891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimmgirl/pseuds/grimmgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Kelly and Reed Burkhardt died in a "car accident," the grimm changed her mind and decided to make a call to the half-blood prince Sean Renard knowing her sister and son might also be in danger. After the coins himself, Renard rushes to Rhinebeck, New York to find coins gone but finds something much more valuable.</p><p>AU where Renard brings Nick up instead of his aunt, Marie</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is not betaed(am I spelling it right?) like all of my other works.

Sean drove as fast as he could on the slippery road.

Kelly Burkhardt was dead as was her husband, and not finding the coins, Verrat and the others were going for Kelly's sister, Marie Kesler.

When he got to the house, Renard saw that the lights were on. As he went up to the front door, Renard took note of slightly ajar door and broken door handle.

He drew his weapon and went in.

The house was quiet save for rattling sound from the windows caused by the wind. While the rain had died down to a drizzle, the wind was still blowing hard.

Renard slowly made his way deeper into the house looking for any sign of Marie Kesler. When he reached the stairs, he saw something that made him pause. Blood.

It wasn't a lot, but somebody was hurt.

The blood trail went up the stairs one way and went to what appeared to be the kitchen the other way. Renard went up the stairs trying to not make any sound. As he went up the stairs, he noticed some signs of struggle. A framed family photo was crooked and cracked badly, and the hand rail was smeared with bits of blood.

When he got to the second floor, he found more signs of struggle that suggested the struggle was more violent here. Aside from more blood splatters and damaged walls and furnitures, there were two dead bodies in the hall way. One was laying in a big puddle of presumably his own blood with his throat slit. The other had two arrows sticking out of his chest and one in his left eye. One of his palm was facing up showing the symbol confirming they were indeed Verrats

Careful to step around the blood, Renard slowly made for the last room at the end of the hallway where the door was smashed in. Staying alert and making sure no one alive was on second floor, he entered the room.

Inside there were four more dead bodies. Two were headless, so the room was pretty much painted in red. He went into the room walking over a crossbow and few arrows clattered on the floor right inside the broken door. He gave it a brief look. Marie must have drop it from the impact of Varrets breaking down the door. Curious. As a grimm renowned for her skills and experience, she would have had plenty of time to set up an ambush and not get caught off guard like that. She was an extremely competent grimm as was her sister.

Renard took a swift look around the room he was in. 

From the setup, Renard could tell the room belonged to a child. A boy. He looked around for any sign that Marie had gotten away from the fight and the Varret. There was none. He was too late, and Varret had gotten the feisty grimm to interrogate for the location of the coins.

He swore under breath.

He heard a faint but sharp intake of breath, and turned around trying to locate the source. The room was trashed. The walk-in closet door was hanging open with everything insde dragged out and turned down. The bed had boxes pulled out from underneath it. A giant wardrobe was wide open and clothes were spilling out of it.

Renard paused and eyed the wardrobe.

There was something that told him it was out of place. He turned to the walk-in closet that was spacious enough that even all the stuff dragged out would have only filled half of. The stuff from the closet was also odd. No clothes but boxes of books and small furnitures.

He heard a soft sob. In the direction of wardrobe. In fact, it had sounded like it was coming from inside the wardrobe. He went to the wardrobe and inspected it.

It was a solid piece that looked very old and out of place in a child room. Although Marie or Kelly had vaguely matched the rest of furnitures in the room to it in color and style, the wardrobe was much older. Renard heard soft breathing while examining the inside of it, from directly behind the furniture. Pulling his head out, he walked around it and pushed it from the side with some force.

The wardrobe was as heavy as it looked and did not budge. While she was a grimm, Marie was weaker than Renard who was half wesen in terms of physical strength. Renard went back to take a closer look at the inside of the wardrobe, particularly the back of it.

He took out his flashlight and turned it on. The back panel of the wardrobe was intricate with spine and rib-like features with carved patterns and, upon closer inspection, a tiny skull symbol inconspicuous on dark wood in a bottom right corner. Renard brushed his fingers over it and started push and pull the panel around it.

After some playing around, a section of panel almost silently popped into the wall creating a hole too small for an adult to fit through but big enough for children. Renard shone his flash light inside. It was more spacious than he expected with some ancient leather-bound books and a chest on his left side. He shone the flashlight to the right. There was a boy inside curled in a little ball. The boy looked up at the light.

Renard instantly recognized the boy. He had his father's eyes and his mother hair. In his face, Renard could see both of his parents. His parents who were dead now.

The child looked about 10 maybe 11 years old and scared. He tried to back into the corner of the hole in the wall even more although there was no more room for him to go.

"It's okay. I'm a friend of your parents." Renard tried to sound comforting. The boy was distrustful and wisely so, but it wasn't helping Renard. Trying to quell his impatience, Renard tried something. "Your mother... Kelly Burkhardt. She sent me a messege few days ago that someone was after her and what she was protecting." That seemed to get the kid's attention.

"I figured they would go after her sister Marie, too just in case, and I came here to warn her because they already got Kelly. But I'm too late... I'm sorry." The boy's breath hitched, and Renard saw more tears flowing down the tear track that was already there.

"But, we have to go. I'm assuming your aunt already hid what she was protecting somewhere safe and won't give her kidnappers what they want." It was probably true although Renard wouldn't put it past Marie to keep the coins on her person for safekeeping. "They are not stupid and will figure out there is a child, you. And, they will come after you to get any information on what they are looking for. We have to leave. Now"

The boy hesitantly crawled away from the wall and warily approached the hole. Renard backed away giving him space. He climbed out of the hole and the wardrobe and stood up.

He looked up into Renard's face, and they just stared at each other. "What's your name?" Renard asked. The kid stared at him hard, no longer crying and surprisingly calm. "You said my mom sent you, and you don't know?" He looked at Renard with suspision. "Actually, your mother didn't really trust me all that much and didn't tell me a lot of things." That made the boy flinch a little.

The boy looked around his room. Looking at the dead bodies, he stopped looking shocked, but his face quickly hardened visibly pulling himself together. It was impressive, really.

Renard could tell while the child had imagined something terrible happening in the room inside that hole listening to the violence outside, he didn't expect to see dead bodies and hadn't ever seen one before.

His job as police did require him occasionally comforting families and friends of victims or victims themselves, but Renard never felt anything for them except indifference. But in this case, he could understand what this boy was going through because he had been where the boy was years ago. Being hunted without knowing why and what was happening. Watching people he considered family, friends getting murdered or having those same people trick and backstab him.

Renard quickly stumped on his thoughts because he was here with a purpose and couldn't be distracted. This was an opportunity to finally catch up to his siblings and cousins who had the family's support.

As he was about to question the boy, there was a loud thud behind him, and Renard quickly turned around caught off guard but ready to fight. He realised that it was the sound of smashed in door finally falling off the hindge. 

Assured but still tense from the surprise, he turned back to the kid. The boy's eyes were wide, and his face was pale- _no, paler_ -, and.... he was staring at Renard as if he had seen something inconceivable. Like his _woge_.

Renard realized with a shock that the child was _a grimm._

But of course, with Kelly dead and possibly Marie dead too, their grimm power would have gone to someone in their bloodline. The closest being this child.

Suddenly, Renard had a vision, staring at the startled, scared but determined face of the newly awakened grimm. An ambitious and daring vision with so many unpredictable variables... But, he could do it. Sean Renard could do it. He always made best of the hand he was dealt with. And, this was not the worst he had. Far from it.

"What, what are you?" the child stammered. He started to take a step back but stopped himself and stood his ground. Renard liked that.

"What's your name?" He asked again. "I'm not telling you until you tell me what you are!" The boy looked panicked but stubbornly determined. Renard appreciated how the boy kept his wits after seeing woge almost certainly for the first time, but the questions were getting annoying when they had so little time.

"Listen to me. I will gladly tell you what and who I am later, but what I told you earlier is true, and we are running out of time." Renard put conviction and authority into his words, and it seemed the boy understood how precarious their situation was taking a look around the room once more.

The boy visibly pulled himself back together. "My name is..." He paused but seemed to have made his decision. "Nicholas Burkhardt, but everyone calls me Nick." Nick looked up at Renard straight in the eyes, steady. Many full grown men, be human or wesen, had trouble meeting his eyes even in everyday situations. Renard approved. "I'm Sean Renard. You may call me Sean. I would say nice to meet you, but under the circumstance, it won't be right." Renard looked into the boy's eyes to gauge his reaction. "Alright, Nick. Pack things that you absolutely need, and then we are off."

Nick picked few essential clothes from the dragged out mess from the closet and stuffed them into a backpack that had miraculously did not get swept in the mess of the room. He then seemed to think of something and crawled back into the hole in the wardrobe.

In a minute, he came back out with books and a chest that were clearly grimm related and framed photos. Photos of Nick with his parents or with Marie and other kids that Renard assumed were Nick's friends. Marie must have put them in there with Nick in hopes of preventing Verrats from looking for him.

"I'm ready." Renard raised his eyebrow. Nick swallowed. "I... I don't want anything else..." His eyes went to bloody furnitures in the room. Renard regarded the child for a moment then turned around and lead the way out of the room. And saw a man in the hallway. Who after a moment of surprise started shooting at him.

Renard jumped into the room to his right and hoped the kid had enough sense to stay in the room. The man barged into the room. Renard twisted his arm with a sickening snapping sound making him drop the gun and saw him woge into Hundjäger. Not giving the wesen a chance to react, Renard kicked the leg under him. The Hundjäger went down howling in pain. Before he could do anything else, Renard crushed his trachae without hesitation.

Renard crouched down and checked the dead Hundjäger's palm. He found what he was expecting. Another Verrat. They had to leave.

As he was getting up, he heard a groan and sharply turned to the sound to see a second Verrat standing at the doorway with tip of an arrow sticking out of his chest, and the wesen had a moment where he looked down at his chest in surprise and then fell over, dead.

Renard slowly got on his feet and approached the body. He checked to make sure Verrat was dead and looked up. To find Nick with a crossbow. The one he saw just inside Nick's room, he absently noted. He then looked at Nick. His face was shocked, but his eyes had steely glint. Every inch the grimm he is meant to be, _deadly, controlled and efficient._

Without a word, Renard grabbed him and left the house. Nick obediently followed his lead without any protest. They got into Renard's car and left Marie's house behind.

As they were driving away, Renard noticed the boy giving one last longing sad look at the house. A powerful grimm but still a child.

 

 

Out of danger, Renard stopped the car at a nondescript 24 hour diner. Clean enough with mediocre coffee and food. Not that it mattered. They had been on the road for all night and needed energy and rest.

They ate in silence, and Renard spoke only to order for both of them and ask for direction to the nearest motel.

 

 

After he checked them into a room and Nick had put his meager luggage down, Renard finally spoke. "So, we are out of danger for now. Where do you want to go?" Nick looked up at that. "I can drop you off anywhere, but I don't know if you have any other relative than Marie. Kelly never mentioned anyone else to me." He seemed to remember his aunt as he looked miserable and sad.

Then, he looked desperate and hopeful at once. "Mom? and dad?" Renard answered carefully. "Those people who came after you and Marie... weren't the only ones after whatever Kelly was protecting." Nick looked devastated and croaked. "What..." He cleared his throat and visibly steeled himself. "What happened?" He spoke with more composure almost managing to sound calm and indifferent.

Renard was impressed. "Both of your parents," He paused. "were killed in a car accident that was arranged by people like you saw at your aunt's house." He looked into the boy's eyes to gauge his reaction. "I got there as fast as I could.... but I was too late. I'm sorry. But, you got away, and I will take you to safety" Nick looked down at his hands.

"I.... I don't know. Dad was an orphan, and aunt Marie was the only family I knew other than mom and dad." He looked devastated. "I don't have anywhere to go." Renard talked in a matter-of-fact tone. "That means Child Protective Service will step in and take you. And probably place you in a foster home." Nick looked scared at that. "Or, you can come with me. I can take care of the papers and place you in my care." The boy contemplated that and hesitantly nodded.

"Alright, that's decided then. Nick, you have had a really rough day, and we have to move early tomorrow. So, I suggest you go to sleep." Nick seemed to realize how tired he was and nodded again going to the bathroom. Renard started changing into something more comfortable for the night. He had kept his expression appropriately solemn talking to the kid, but he was pleased with how the situation had turned out. While he didn't get the coin, he had his own grimm albeit a very young one when no one in his family did.

More calm, Renard examined the situation more objectively. They were not completely out of woods until Renard took the young grimm to his territory, to Portland. He shouldn't consider Nick as his grimm yet with the child still suspicious and distrustful of him.

Renard sensed the boy come out of bathroom behind him and turned to face him. He looked nervous and determined. "What is it?"

The boy looked up into his face for a long moment and looked away. He hesitated a little then pulled something he had around his neck from inside his t-shirt.

In his palm, sat a finely crafted metal work. Renard froze and held his breath. Concentrating on what he was doing and not noticing Renard's reaction, Nick opened it with great care and presented _the key_ to him. Renard stared. One of the seven keys that all Seven Houses including his family were so desperately looking for.

There was loaded silence where Nick waited for... anything from Renard.

Renard laughed involuntarily. _Well,_ it seemed that instead of getting what he was looking for he stumbled onto something far more than he ever expected. In his bid of getting a mere leverage, he actually gained a grimm that trusted and relied on him and one of the keys firmly securing him a place in the eight hundred year-old bloody race of collecting Seven Keys.

Nick was still looking up at him now looking anxious. Renard smiled down at him and gently took the key. He inspected the key this way and that way marveling at his luck. Still looking at the key, he went down to his knees slowly. Then looked at Nick. The boy was clearly waiting for his response. He still meeting the boy's eyes closed the key and grabbed Nick's hand putting the key back on it. Then, he closed the boy's hand and brushed his lips on it almost reverently.

"Keep it safe for me, will you?"

Nick stared into his eyes, and Renard stared back. Nick looked lost for a second then a look of determination took over his face. He nodded.

Renard smiled.


	2. Not update!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not an update although I did finish chapter 2. Reasons are explained.

Hi, this is grimmgirl? First of all, I'm so sorry this is not an update!

I just felt bad that I left some people hanging and decided to let people know that next part will take more time than I expected.

Um, I recently started writing fanfiction, and I posted this work without any expectation and was really surprised how good the responses were. Thank you so much for that.

So, I have been writing and wrote a lot.

Initially, I didn't seriously thinking about continuing at first because my plan for it was too big. Which I think is now causing the problem?

This series is supposed to cover Nick's childhood only a little then jump to present, and there would have been side stories from different points of his life with Sean.

I wrote a lot in bits and pieces but found a major problem while I was going over what I wrote so far.

My Nick voice is REALLY inconsistent. I thought I had pretty good idea of Nick's character, but now I see that how I wrote him changed a lot depending on which part of the show I watched.

I have a pretty good lock on Sean and others whose POV will be used in the story, but the story is supposed to be mostly in Nick's POV.

I actually watched the show S1-2 again to get a feeling, but it just didn't work. I was so into the show and its world I guess I didn't notice. But, I realized Nick's actor's performance feels somewhat jarring to me? I don't even know. Nick's character just comes on very confusing for me.

I have been trying to salvage what I wrote, but it just doesn't work. I think I have to rewrite every Nick parts in present either I decide to keep him OOC or IC although I feel like I'm not sure about the character...

I'm actually considering about restructuring the whole story which I already planned ahead just to avoid writing much in Nick's POV. This work is all pre-planned except few possible endings that I came up with initially, and changing POVs will definitely impact the plan. Figuring it all out again will take time.

I did finish the next chapter and it is okay because it's in child Nick's POV which I actually based on my childhood friend who, because of her circumstance, was so jaded yet vulnerable at the same time for a 11 year old girl. But, I'm going to hold it until I have a firm handle on the later part. 

So, the bottom line is that that I'm dumping the whole thing I wrote so far and rewriting them.... after I finish watching the entire S1-3 again. Which sucks because I'm a slow writer to begin with.

I wasn't going to say anything, but it seemed like a fair amount of people were actually waiting. And, I felt guilty. So, I just want to let people know what is happening and I'm still working on this.

Thank you for being patient!

**Author's Note:**

> I debated posting this because this is just beginning of a long story but I didn't know if I can finish. But I figured posting it will motivate me more, so here it is.


End file.
